Falling.

Japanese garden is full of blooming beauties. I could only wish that I was able to cherish this and not having to leave it.

I escaped my "so-called-prison cell" (that's what people described our dorm rooms as in Long Beach) today. I ended up helping Monica(not really >< sadly), Joyce, and Amy move out. It was a pleasure. I got to see each of their rooms get emptied, see them leave, and say final goodbye. When I returned back to my room, I decided to read all the letters that I got from my friends. The whole empty atmosphere and memories popping up in my head really got to me as I was reading my letters. I was really sad. I couldn't help but to shed my tears. Thinking that I'm not going to see my wonderful friend again and the joy has to end at that moment, kept on swirling in my head. The weather was too beautiful, the warm breeze was filling up my room, but I just felt like everything was gone and I was the only one there to enjoy this moment. I questioned myself if I really was happy of going back home, or just the fact that there is no more school work to be done.

I reunited with my family members. Okay, after spending couple of hours in the car, I was getting the feeling that my summer is going to be a stressful one. I am so not used to being under my parents now, and trying to think of a way to adjust to my Norcal life. I'm trying my best to find solutions, but I wasn't getting answers, and I was only getting more frustrated and feeling emo. Ugh, and I thought that I was able to get away from Emo for a while.

On top of my thoughts, I also found out that I might be facing another goodbye in my life. What in the world is going with my life. Why am I starting my break/vacation like this. I'm just really sad right now. I have always wanted to help this person, prayed about this person because I feel the need to reach out. but, now knowing that I wasn't able to do it and might not even have the chance anymore makes me so disappointed in myself. I don't know what to do anymore about the person, but to pray.

I am just rambling about my frustration and selfish thoughts now. I don't know what to do with them though. I don't really want to go back home now, I don't want to see others' happiness and compare, but for now i just want to stick myself somewhere quiet and cry for an hour or two, or something like that. I feel so stupid for reacting like a child to all these simple situations. I really need to fix my stupid thinking habits.

Am I being shaken again? Am I being tested again? God always restores my peace and calmness, but am I really capable overcoming the challenge for the reward? Am I patient enough to wait for God and his answers? Am I aware of my position, so that I will bring forth self discipline?...

ne serait-ce que, il y a une personne qui peux me dire que "n'inquiete pas. tout le chose sera bien"....