Beginning, middle, and the end. People always say that there is always a beginning, middle, and an end to all things and situations. What stage am I at? Ironically, my feet are touching all the corners of the "beginning, middle" and "end" areas. It's not that I wanted to take all three at once, but it's just how time works (and how God is also. This thought just came up and surely surprised me a bit). Well, I am currently ending this long journey under the blazing sun, still continuing to wander around the same concept in mind due to indecisiveness, but, I am approaching a new frame of time very soon from now.
I only have ONE more days till I stop wrestling with the concept of summer, summer vacation, break, and etc. It was one long summer which I enjoyed and was discontent about at the same time. I did get to do all the fun things in the last month of break and it was great. I got to go to museums, meet friends, fall in love with baking breads, and take time for adjustments. It was tad bit too long this time, but I don't think it was something I would regret just because it wasn't as memorable or significant like my previous summers. But it is now the time to put the period down.
Something is always in the big mess of middle puddle. This area is also the most complicated(?) or mind throbbing part to think and act upon about. What I am placing in this middle ground is my future decisions, specifically career wise. I know that I've had that one slight dilemma last semester about changing major, but I decided to put it aside because I didn't think that it was ever necessary to bring it up again. However, during this summer I was introduced to an interior designer who goes to my church who is continuing to help me so greatly. It was nice to hear from an actual interior designer about the field and the career, but there were so many parts that disappointed me and made me grow less interest in interior design. This made me re-think about what do I really want to pursue. I know that I always had great interest in Architecture, recently grew interest and enjoyment in industrial design, and have been always capable of doing and enjoy 2d designs (graphic, maybe illustration, more fine arts related). I feel like I'm kind of lost in where I should be going for sure right now. I had thoughts about going to grad school for architecture, or transfer to another school for interior design or industrial design. I really don't know what I should do right now, and it's been stuck in this middle ground for a reason.
I'm getting ready for the beginning point of a new year of school. School starts in less than 2 days away and it has its split emotion evoking points of excitement and dislikes in mind right now. It's already my third year and especially this year I wanted school to start in order to escape from the mundane summer. I am excited to see what this year is going to be filled with whether in life experience or God's plans revealing step by step. And the dislike emotions are going to be derived from the unending studying and producing projects for sure. Not to forget that this year is going to be a juggle of school, living from home, and serving at home church. I just hope that I'm not going to get lost in this new living this year, especially as I step off from being a teenager also.
For now, I'm worrying a lot and lots more about school. It was so hard to get design classes for this fall for me because my registration date was pretty late in comparison to others, and it's really biting me from the back right now. I don't have any of the important design classes that I really need, and have been also dropped out of the waiting list because the school decided to do a "favour" for all like that. It's kind of silly to me but I've been praying that God would help me get these classes or if worst comes to worst in my opinion, then lead me into a better plan for this semester. I'm so tired of always on my tippy toes for school...
The clock has already hit August behind my back. And clearly within that whole almost three month frame of time has been put to waste in my judgement. I'm quite disappointed at myself, but what is there to regret about when things already happened. So I'm trying to make the last few trickles worth every drop.
This summer I've been basically...
1. Watch, stare, and watch even more of TV and movies.
I have finished whole four seasons of Gossip Girls, and couple of seasons of America's Next Top Model, and Project runway. Not to forget about the Korean TV shows that I regularly watch and shows on TV. I think TV was my best friend this summer. As for the movies, I took great advantage of the library in Norcal and literally watched over 20 movies in a month or so. It was really entertaining though. I love watching movies.
When I started all this watching maddness, I was telling myself that I wasn't going to have the leisure time during school year, but that was all a stupid idea now that I see it. I think that was a bit too much for that precious time.
2. Packed and Moved 400 miles away from Home.
This was what I find the biggest excitement that happened this summer, moving. I don't think moving was as hard as I thought it would be. Packing and unpacking my piles of junks was very habitual for me anyway, since I had to move in and out of the dorm twice for the past two years. But I surely did enjoy the time when I went through all my stuff, sitting and reading all the little cards, papers, drawings, gifts, yearbooks and even sorting my clothing while packing them all away. I have to say that I am not good at throwing things away because I have the tendency of wanting to cherish it all. I know that I lost a lot of tangible segments of my life from the past.. I don't know how many movings... and because of that I want to keep what I have left before me. So please don't complain to me that I have too much stuff!
I think I am the only one in the house who still has boxes unpacked. I am being very careful about unpacking them because I seriously don't know when we are going to move again to our final destination(the HOUSE). I'm just being cautious whether to unravel them or not. On a random side note, I already have designed my wall for my new room, which I am super excited about. I'm quite lame haha.
3. Attending a new church! And...
Now that my family is living altogether, we have found our home church for all of us. I have my final home church, the Salvation Army LA Korean Church. One surprising and a blessing thing about this news is that my dad is finally attending church with us now. He hasn't gone to church for more than 4 years ever since we moved to the States. This news was surely an eye opening thing that God is showing to all of us in my family members and it's exciting.
Obviously, it is hard to get adjusted to a new church, but it doesn't feel as bad because the head pastor of the church used to be a head pastor from the SF church that I used to attend. Also the fact that I've been going to a Salvation Army church my whole Christian life, the new church does not appear too different. Overall, I really like the fact that my family is going to church together, and being on our way to be united even more within Christ.
At the new church, I am currently leading praise for the EM because they didn't have enough members at the church. Oh. my. goodness, I was quite shocked to see how quick this decision has been made in the church, despite the fact that I've attended the church for 3 weeks so far. I haven't lead praise in about 3 years, and that was when I didn't know-know and understand Christ from my heart. So it's giving me a different perspective as I am doing praise. And honestly, I get bits of uneasiness in my heart at times when I am leading. I really feel inadequate to be up leading worship sometimes. I know that my voice isn't the best for singing, and neither is my musical ability, so it makes me wonder why out of all those greatly talented people, I'm standing there. And when the adults tells me that they want to come see and hear our worship, it kind of gives me a thought that there is an expectation line to meet out here. Lastly, when the jundosanim introduces me to all the other kids that I'm the oldest and how it is great to have an "older unni" to help and lead really pressures me. And all those thoughts clogs my mind and leads me off track at the moments. I think I need to pray more about it, and lift it up to God for rest and peace with His yolk.
4. Doing little knick-nack projects.
I am currently working on numerous projects and development processes. I have started craft and art projects for fun but I never end up finishing them. My ongoing projects are: finishing the cardboard chair, making hair accessories, knitting the circle scarf, and my two colour pencil drawings that I started two years ago...... I am hoping to really finish them before school starts because it's seriously taking up too much space in my shared room. In contrast, my development processes are the super quick and enjoyable part of my project-ing. I am trying to learn how to cook and so far it's turning out great. I already have made and love making homemade pizza, quesadea with homemade tortilla, and learning bits of Korean dishes as well. Cooking is more fun than I thought!
So for the rest of this summer vacation, I am hoping to pick myself up and give a little more effort to make it worth the time. The to-do list for the last piece of Summer will be..
a. Internship....?I'm suppose to be doing some kind of "internship" for a church member whose an interior designer this month, but I haven't heard from him yet.. I'll have to see what will happen soon.
b. Etudier plus de francais. I'm going to make a library card and pick up those french study books to polish my french for the upcoming class. Summer breaks are my language killer time, sadly.
c. Friends! I need to see my friendsies before school starts! I can't believe that I haven't seen a single one of them ever since I move closer to them...
d. Exercise! I've been running the track with my sister every other day to get in shape again, and it's going well. I even ran with my dad yesterday and it was fun. Let's just hope that I'll persevere through.
Just three more weeks till school! (:
