Korea and Its Education

I initially wrote this for Tumblr at a small scale reflection paragraph, but it ended up being a blog-worthy length. So I just decided to paste it as my blog for this month with editing and additions(Sneaky, sneaky...).
The article:http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,2094427-1,00.html


This article was very thought evoking for me because I was once in those Korean students' shoes, who had to take after school tutoring during 1st grade to 4th grade in Korea and during middle school in Canada. And from reading this, I cannot ignore picking up hints that Korean students haven't stopped getting tutored, but they are almost required even more from them or worse, growing addiction to this whole system(which sounds quite scary...). Throughout the article I came across many agreements with the journalist beyond visualizing and being informed about the Korean students' positions; the fact that Korea should reconstruct its education system and to reduce unnecessary competitive mindsets among parents.


I really hope that Korea would loosen up and create rooms for creativity and individuality for all students. Not everybody is wired to study well or have the ability to be well-rounded. There are definitely advantages that this over-hyped education brings, such as the revamped and improved condition for the nation which I take a lot of pride in. It simply amazed me how a broken nation(due to invasions and wars) was able to rebuild itself from scratch and eventually transform into one of the top nations in the world. Even President Obama and other countries recognize Korea for our education. But I think that pushing everyone for high achievements can only go so far, where one day it will hit its limits(I think it will be pretty soon).


There are so many ways of achieving success and happiness when you look beyond this one narrow route that everyone else is taking. And allowing the parents or the guiding generation to see that would be a great help for the students. Korea has this mentality of following the society/trends/norm, and people has to really stop thinking in the same line. I can only see that this educational competition is leading the parents gaining acceptance into society, and guiding the students to lose their individuality within the society. Sometimes I think that it should be encouraged to let students to pursue career in acting, music, or the media industry because the opportunity is so open for those with great passion. I would still allow them for consideration because it acts as one of the few creativity output channel, even though there are many rising issues within the media in general at the moment. If the government strategically invest in education for students whose been thirsty for a while, it will bring positive outcomes for all. After all, education(any criteria, subject matters) is one of the best investment that anyone can benefit from in the end.


I'm definitely realizing a lot these days that this powerful nation needs a lot of prayers and hope. There are so many problems and issues going on in Korea that we are not seeing beyond this "high-tech, super-stylish and pretty-faced" country. It used to be known as the most mission going nation, but now the country is more known for its pop culture, and its advanced technology. But it is also known to be ranked number 1 in the world for the highest suicide rate. Other issues that we do not know of are rising more each day. Now what does that really say about Korea now? This country has so much potential  in general in terms of how much power it has among other nations in my opinion. It's all going down the drain if Korea continues like this. I've been to reluctant and ignorant to care for my home country, or any other countries for that matter only because I was too caught up with myself for the longest time. And all I tried to do was embracing its positive factors and influences that has on me. Korea is definitely crying out for help, and certainly God. I need less of me and more heart for God and His nations. 

Where at?

Beginning, middle, and the end. People always say that there is always a beginning, middle, and an end to all things and situations. What stage am I at? Ironically, my feet are touching all the corners of the "beginning, middle" and "end" areas. It's not that I wanted to take all three at once, but it's just how time works (and how God is also. This thought just came up and surely surprised me a bit). Well, I am currently ending this long journey under the blazing sun, still continuing to wander around the same concept in mind due to indecisiveness, but, I am approaching a new frame of time very soon from now. 


I only have ONE more days till I stop wrestling with the concept of summer, summer vacation, break, and etc. It was one long summer which I enjoyed and was discontent about at the same time. I did get to do all the fun things in the last month of break and it was great. I got to go to museums, meet friends, fall in love with baking breads, and take time for adjustments. It was tad bit too long this time, but I don't think it was something I would regret just because it wasn't as memorable or significant like my previous summers. But it is now the time to put the period down.


Something is always in the big mess of middle puddle. This area is also the most complicated(?) or mind throbbing part to think and act upon about. What I am placing in this middle ground is my future decisions, specifically career wise. I know that I've had that one slight dilemma last semester about changing major, but I decided to put it aside because I didn't think that it was ever necessary to bring it up again. However, during this summer I was introduced to an interior designer who goes to my church who is continuing to help me so greatly. It was nice to hear from an actual interior designer about the field and the career, but there were so many parts that disappointed me and made me grow less interest in interior design. This made me re-think about what do I really want to pursue. I know that I always had great interest in Architecture, recently grew interest and enjoyment in industrial design, and have been always capable of doing and enjoy 2d designs (graphic, maybe illustration, more fine arts related). I feel like I'm kind of lost in where I should be going for sure right now. I had thoughts about going to grad school for architecture, or transfer to another school for interior design or industrial design. I really don't know what I should do right now, and it's been stuck in this middle ground for a reason.


I'm getting ready for the beginning point of a new year of school. School starts in less than 2 days away and it has its split emotion evoking points of excitement and dislikes in mind right now. It's already my third year and especially this year I wanted school to start in order to escape from the mundane summer. I am excited to see what this year is going to be filled with whether in life experience or God's plans revealing step by step. And the dislike emotions are going to be derived from the unending studying and producing projects for sure. Not to forget that this year is going to be a juggle of school, living from home, and serving at home church. I just hope that I'm not going to get lost in this new living this year, especially as I step off from being a teenager also.


For now, I'm worrying a lot and lots more about school. It was so hard to get design classes for this fall for me because my registration date was pretty late in comparison to others, and it's really biting me from the back right now. I don't have any of the important design classes that I really need, and have been also dropped out of the waiting list because the school decided to do a "favour" for all like that. It's kind of silly to me but I've been praying that God would help me get these classes or if worst comes to worst in my opinion, then lead me into a better plan for this semester. I'm so tired of always on my tippy toes for school...

Un Résumé d'été

The clock has already hit August behind my back. And clearly within that whole almost three month frame of time has been put to waste in my judgement. I'm quite disappointed at myself, but what is there to regret about when things already happened. So I'm trying to make the last few trickles worth every drop.


This summer I've been basically...


1. Watch, stare, and watch even more of TV and movies. 
I have finished whole four seasons of Gossip Girls, and couple of seasons of America's Next Top Model, and Project runway. Not to forget about the Korean TV shows that I regularly watch and shows on TV. I think TV was my best friend this summer. As for the movies, I took great advantage of the library in Norcal and literally watched over 20 movies in a month or so. It was really entertaining though. I love watching movies. 


When I started all this watching maddness, I was telling myself that I wasn't going to have the leisure time during school year, but that was all a stupid idea now that I see it. I think that was a bit too much for that precious time. 


2. Packed and Moved 400 miles away from Home. 
This was what I find the biggest excitement that happened this summer, moving. I don't think moving was as hard as I thought it would be. Packing and unpacking my piles of junks was very habitual for me anyway, since I had to move in and out of the dorm twice for the past two years. But I surely did enjoy the time when I went through all my stuff, sitting and reading all the little cards, papers, drawings, gifts, yearbooks and even sorting my clothing while packing them all away. I have to say that I am not good at throwing things away because I have the tendency of  wanting to cherish it all. I know that I lost a lot of tangible segments of my life from the past.. I don't know how many movings... and because of that I want to keep what I have left before me. So please don't complain to me that I have too much stuff! 


I think I am the only one in the house who still has boxes unpacked. I am being very careful about unpacking them because I seriously don't know when we are going to move again to our final destination(the HOUSE). I'm just being cautious whether to unravel them or not. On a random side note, I already have designed my wall for my new room, which I am super excited about. I'm quite lame haha.


3. Attending a new church! And... 
Now that my family is living altogether, we have found our home church for all of us. I have my final home church, the Salvation Army LA Korean Church. One surprising and a blessing thing about this news is that my dad is finally attending church with us now. He hasn't gone to church for more than 4 years ever since we moved to the States. This news was surely an eye opening thing that God is showing to all of us in my family members and it's exciting. 


Obviously, it is hard to get adjusted to a new church, but it doesn't feel as bad because the head pastor of the church used to be a head pastor from the SF church that I used to attend. Also the fact that I've been going to a Salvation Army church my whole Christian life, the new church does not appear too different. Overall, I really like the fact that my family is going to church together, and being on our way to be united even more within Christ.


At the new church, I am currently leading praise for the EM because they didn't have enough members at the church. Oh. my. goodness, I was quite shocked to see how quick this decision has been made in the church, despite the fact that I've attended the church for 3 weeks so far. I haven't lead praise in about 3 years, and that was when I didn't know-know and understand Christ from my heart. So it's giving me a different perspective as I am doing praise. And honestly, I get bits of uneasiness in my heart at times when I am leading. I really feel inadequate to be up leading worship sometimes. I know that my voice isn't the best for singing, and neither is my musical ability, so it makes me wonder why out of all those greatly talented people, I'm standing there. And when the adults tells me that they want to come see and hear our worship, it kind of gives me a thought that there is an expectation line to meet out here. Lastly, when the jundosanim introduces me to all the other kids that I'm the oldest and how it is great to have an "older unni" to help and lead really pressures me. And all those thoughts clogs my mind and leads me off track at the moments. I think I need to pray more about it, and lift it up to God for rest and peace with His yolk.


4. Doing little knick-nack projects.
I am currently working on numerous projects and development processes. I have started craft and art projects for fun but I never end up finishing them. My ongoing projects are: finishing the cardboard chair, making hair accessories, knitting the circle scarf, and my two colour pencil drawings that I started two years ago...... I am hoping to really finish them before school starts because it's seriously taking up too much space in my shared room. In contrast, my development processes are the super quick and enjoyable part of my project-ing. I am trying to learn how to cook and so far it's turning out great. I already have made and love making homemade pizza, quesadea with homemade tortilla, and learning bits of Korean dishes as well. Cooking is more fun than I thought!


So for the rest of this summer vacation, I am hoping to pick myself up and give a little more effort to make it worth the time. The to-do list for the last piece of Summer will be..
a. Internship....?I'm suppose to be doing some kind of "internship" for a church member whose an interior designer this month, but I haven't heard from him yet.. I'll have to see what will happen soon. 
b. Etudier plus de francais. I'm going to make a library card and pick up those french study books to polish my french for the upcoming class. Summer breaks are my language killer time, sadly.
c. Friends! I need to see my friendsies before school starts! I can't believe that I haven't seen a single one of them ever since I move closer to them...
d. Exercise! I've been running the track with my sister every other day to get in shape again, and it's going well. I even ran with my dad yesterday and it was fun. Let's just hope that I'll persevere through.


Just three more weeks till school! (:

Live by Faith, Not by Sight

It was so eye opening to see everything making sense before my eyes, how if it wasn't for faith and the faithfulness of God, I wouldn't have come this far. During the sermon today, the meaning of faith was explained in an example, and I always loved this example. PJ said, faith is like walking forward backwards. You really don't know where you are going or what you are going to face but you keep on walking because you have faith, faith in God. And after encountering obstacles and overcoming it, you will definitely look back at it while walking and see that God has been faithful this whole time. There was a reason all along when God asks us to have faith in Him, because He was faithful, will continuously to be faithful and hold on to His promises till the very end.

Today was technically my "last day" at San Francisco Salvation Army Korean (corp.) Church. I wasn't expecting it to feel any different or more like I couldn't really tell that it was my last sunday till the very last moment. It was when PJ and everyone in the congregation were praying for us to send us off to Southern California. My mind finally clicked and told me that it was time to say goodbye. And like always, me being the typical Allison myself, just full of emotion who hates saying goodbyes, cracked in the end. Like what people say, you have to say goodbye in order to say hello again next time we meet. Basically that's what we did as my family was leaving church today. Wow, I cannot emphasize the fact that I really hate, HATE saying goodbyes regardless of how many times I've already done it through my life. 

As I was in the car ride back home, I was pondering and pondering about my 4 years of living in Northern California and couldn't be any happier that God has been so faithful and has been blessing me so much over the 4 years. Even from the very first time entering California till today, wow, God is so good. 

I was seriously living a cursed life that I put upon myself when God first brought me in California, being pessimistic, negative and very depressed. I remember so clearly how our church was 4 years ago and how much I hated it because I judged and looked down upon it so much, like as if I know anything. But when I finally ended up at the spot where I had to choose either one dead end or the other. I decided to choose the way God has provided by opening up my heart a little bit and taking that step of faith. And oh wow, that step of faith has brought me to where I am right now.

Because I began to trust in God, God has shaped and molded me and our church as well. No more cold-hearted, depressed emo-child, but God has changed me into more of an open-person and helped me to seek my identity in God. And I also got to make awesome memories with seriously wonderful and very unique people throughout the short period of time. He also worked and is still working for more through our church as well. Looking back from a sunday worship done in a small music room with 8 people in comparison to having two different ministries with people who are growing more and more each day, how can I not say that God is not faithful? It's clearly so evident and it was totally worth walking backwards forward. Something that I would have never expected, and obviously God goes beyond expectations.

Right now, I noticed that the same faith is required as I take another step forward in backwards. This time, I know that God has my back, but it's just that in the very core of myself I have that small fear and worry about what is to come. Questions such as, Is God really calling me down there for a purpose?, or If He is calling me, am I really capable? are just popping into my mind a lot now. I seriously didn't think that it would be much of a difference moving down to basically my second home, but it is kind of a big deal now that I think of it. Bah! Less thinking, more praying.

But at this rate, I'm kind of curious and excited of what God has in stored for me in the future. From Korea to East coast Canada to Northern California to Southern California, what is next? Where are you leading me God? I swear I think I wouldn't be too surprised if I end up in another country in 10 years from now. God seriously can do all things in His name. (:

July 1st

July 1st, of course, it is Canada Day! Even though I might not be in Canada, I still love Canada with my very heart like my home country. And to be honest, I think of Canada as my real home country than Korea. I know it's very not "KP-like" but that's the truth. Because I believe that I started really living when I arrived in Canada.


Of course, Canada is where I met Christ, and basically where I lived through my critical 6 years of my teenage years. And I remember all of my life events that happened in Toronto rather than the 10 long years spent in Korea (maybe because I was young, but that's still not the point). I think the fact that I started being exposed to Christianity and a new open culture has really broadened my perspective in life and was able to grasp a chance of really living my life. 


I remember being in middle school, having my prayers answered were the most significant and surprising moment. I think that was what really allowed me to believe and see that God is real and he is actually alive. It followed with great friends met in church and a wonderful experience at the summer retreat in Lake Simco. And not to mention that church is where I began to pick up a guitar and started learning it, which lead me to where I am today, just absolutely enjoying it. 


I also had wonderful school friends as well as church friends, which felt like nothing can go wrong at that state in life. Moreover, being able to pursue what I desire and want to do for life, and want to study was simply grateful. I was talking about this to Stephanie earlier today that I wanted to study music, fine arts, patisserie, business, accounting, and architecture throughout the earlier years. I know that if I was in Korea, my parents or the pressure of society wouldn't have allowed me to seek after what I wanted. It really did feel like life can be lived so easily and simply in Canada in comparison to Korea. But these are solely my opinions though.


I can't believe that I lived exactly half of my life (10 years) in Korea and in North America. If I were to narrow down my other 10 years, it would be 6 years in Canada and 4 years in U.S.A. Hitting my non-teenage age had made me realize that I came so far. I'm going to be a Junior in College(even though I still feel like a freshman at heart) along with my sister whose going to be entering in College. Now that's a real shock to me because I swear I was complaining to my friends that I am never going to graduate from college any soon. But everything is just coming one after the other already, and I'm starting to look into internships and future plans after college. I think reality is slowly getting to me, but still an inch away for me to fully reach into it.  


I'm now hoping the best that I'll make the rest of my years worth it and valuable. I am still looking forward to go study abroad either in France or Italy depending if I go for my major or minor classes, get an internship for winter or summer breaks, and possibly make time to teach English in Korea, but the trip to Korea isn't really one of my top priorities. 


I also swore to myself that I want to live in New York or any of the big cities/states in the East Coast after graduation for a job or internship possibly. This is quite a new ambition that I have established after watching 3 full seasons of Gossip Girl tv show. Gosh I am seriously addicted, considering that I am quite anxious to get my fingers on the 4th season DVDs somehow. Aside from the obsession, the reason for the big move in New York is due to really liking the city lifestyle and also wanted to take a break from living the California life a bit. I think that experiencing diverse cultural lifestyle whether in different state or countries will help me view life more broad, and as a big picture. I don't know, it might be just me but I think that this world has so much to offer and learn from that I haven't discovered yet and I really want to get the best of it before it's too late. 


But at the same time, I can't be so sure of everything because I don't know what or where God wants me to be in the future years. Wherever I go, God is still with me and I know that taking leaps of faith and big actions in life means more challenges and opportunities to face with God. It made me realize how thankful I am a bit at heart that God has pushed me in places to places than leaving me at on spot in Korea. Furthermore, prayer 24/7 is needed in order to go the right pathway! Always asking and seeking for God's leading and wisdom before making any big decisions. And I know that I'm going to fight with myself and the laziness and habits from time spent with God. Yup.

Finals Week

So, finals week was officially over days ago, and I've already entered my summer vacation chapter. I have to say, this year's last day of school was a lot different and mixed feeling than last year's. But in the end, it was all good even though my grades weren't as outstanding as I wanted them to be.

A week of summer has passed for me, and it has been full of nothing so far. I think that the best way to put it is that I was absolutely lost in terms of what I should be doing. This has been a thought to ponder for a while back during school. Because everything that are to occur during summer is yet to be undecided and uncertain, I didn't have and still don't have a clue of what is to be done. I know that I initially wanted to go to summer school, but that has been canceled since I don't know when exactly i'm going to be moving. I wanted to work for a bit, but I didn't bring my passport to obtain the social security number. Things aren't just turning out well or easy at all.

I was wondering what or where can I possibly led or be used by God in such a short amount of time? What does God exactly have in stored for me this time? I just hate feeling of not knowing and being certain about near future plans, but I think God is challenging me to put faith and trust in him. He has yet blessed me through his faithfulness throughout the school year, so I shouldn't be worrying about what is ahead.

But for this summer with nothing in mind or plan, i am seeking it to be a time where I struggle with God in faith like Jacob. I want to seek God over the summer like how Jacob was stubbornly trying to not let go of the man. I want to be more faithful to God like him, in the basis of God's love and discovering more every time. I have no clue how God is going to stretch me, shape me, teach me, challenge me. But I know for a certain that I'm going to struggle, cling on, fight my way, continue to be faithful to God till the very end. And I realized that how my life should look in a full picture and everyday. 

Just so thankful to God for his Words and words he delivers through a brother in Christ. I was given a lot of challenges to think, pray, and pursue tonight and I'm so encouraged and glad about it! I'm quite excited about what God is going to reveal each day for me now.

Back

I've been missing out on blog writing in couple of months now. I made several attempts and drafts saved on blogger but never got to finish it and publish it. I was trying to catch up and write about things from over 2 months of time and it wasn't working out at all. So I thought I'd just express what is occupying my mind right now and re-ignite the writing habit again.

One of the biggest "struggle", not really a struggle but a thing that was taking up majority of the space in my mind was about moving. Parents told me that I should keep it quiet until it's 100 percent certain, but I think 99% is the same thing though. I've been thinking a lot about it because of how much I am going to lose from this big jump for our family. I mean I do technically live in Southern California as much as Northern California, but moving? Everyone did tell me, even though it's not moving across the country, but it still really sucks. And I can't agree with it any better, especially from the experience of living in 3 different countries.

I've been thinking about it and it only made me feel more bitter and upset about the whole idea. But until recently when I started talking to people, I think God has allowed me to open my eyes more. I was able to talk to my pastor a little bit about it, and he challenged me to think deeper of what causes my heart to feel this way. And I did get a chance to think about it and pray about it a lot. My heart was so upset that I wasn't able to have my independence and be free from my mother's authority, I would have to go through another period of school years with my sister in the same department, and I was upset that I would have to leave friends up in Norcal from school and church. And to see that rest of my family seems absolutely fine and content about this decision made me feel more upset. To me, it really seems like nothing is going to benefit me from this conclusion while everybody else are getting what they want. 

And I'm slowly realizing that I was only making myself more upset and discontent due to my selfishness of meeting my own needs and expectations of my life. But God is revealing to me that my selfishness is blinding my own eyes from seeing what God is planning and has planned for me and my family. I wasn't being happy at the fact that God wasn't giving me what I wanted in my life. I was also talking to my roommate about my situation, and she was telling me that God is doing this for a reason and a greater purpose that I might not know about. I think I'm' actually experiencing sacrificing of what I have, or letting go of my plans for God to work within. So in some sense, I'm excited of what God is going to do in the upcoming season of change. 

Right now, I'm pretty much at peace with this whole situation. I do feel that whenever I deeply think about this situation and ponder what's going to happen, the feeling of sadness rushes in like a tidal wave. But I know that I have nothing to worry about, or more like thinking that God has his better plan for me makes me feel a lot secure and stable. All I have left is to continue to pray about this upcoming plan.

Lookin' Ahead ?

2O11 has finally arrived at my doorstep, without a chance for 2O1O to linger around for a bit more. I've been meaning to write a blog post about reflecting back on last year, and my resolution for this year etc etc. But I wasn't really motivated or wanting to think about it nor writing it down. But in the end writing process became my thought organizer, and I took the chance. 


Two thousand and ten. Another year, where half of the time I was a freshman and a sophmore in college. Started off strong, but didn't persevere till the end to finish strong. Experienced and learned new things about life in God's perspective. Many good memories and many upsetting moments at times. On the last day, I wrote things to give up to God, burned it, and lifted it up to God. A year full of teachings from mistakes, opportunities, people, lessons, the Word and more. I don't want to look back at it and say that it was a bad year just because I didn't manage to end it as well as I wanted it to. I'll turn back to it and know that God has shown me this much in 2O1O for the better for me. And I have ended my year being thankful and glad, including the things that still linger or bother me.


Two thousand and eleven. A new year that I am looking forward to in a positive perspective. I have few things listed in mind for me to accomplish for this year. I don't really consider it as a "New Years Resolution" but more of a, "To Do list" of 2O11. So here it goes!


Trip to Canada/East Coast US
Save Money
Finish School Year Well
Get a (Legal) Job
Lose weight
Summer School
Learn Something New


A lot of them are pretty typical, such as Lose weight, Get a Job, Summer School, finish school year well, and save money. I figure that it's better to leave as a mental note, since it is somewhat important part of my life and I should get into habit of rather than forcing it on myself, such as losing weight. I bet if I enforced and lived out a healthy living style then I could've achieve that sooner than I imagined. 


Trip to Canada/East Coast US is THE thing that I'm really looking forward to in 2O11 in the summer! Finally we are going to visit Toronto, 4 years after leaving the country. My dad said we are also going on a road trip around the east coast as well. I can't wait to visit New York. I have always dreamed of going to New York and I'm so excited! I know that this is going to be so much fun! We haven't had a family road trip in a while. Great way to make it up (:


I want to Learn Something New this year. Whether it'd be a skill(dance, cooking, mechanics, instruments, etc) or knowledge about a particular subject or facts, I want to take another step in to what the world has to offer beyond what the media exposes to us. School teaches new things, but I think when taking the initiative to learn in depth, it seems more significant and remains much longer. Maybe it might be something that God wants me to learn in order to use me for. Who knows. 


Beyond all that fun and exciting plans, the real New Years Resolution for me this year is Change. We've been told a lot through sermons and teachings that we need to change but sometimes the motivations from the convictions dies so quick. I don't want that anymore. Before, I thought a lot about how I need to change to become a better person. I've tried changing for being a better person that would care for others, or be good and set good examples like what Jesus would do. I've been realizing that a lot of the changes I've put myself was for the better me and the benefit for others. But this year, I want to change for God. I want natural change that comes in response to his love and grace. I want to change to make God satisfied, I want to be a better person for God before satisfying people around me. I want to be molded and shaped towards what God wants rather than what I want myself to be or what others want me to be.


Overall, I don't want to have so much expectations for this new year. I've realized that a lot of the expectations I have are things that only I desire, things that can only satisfy me. It seems tad bit selfish, and it can bring disappointments which aren't that great. So I think I'll try to think of it as, 'God, what do you expect from me this year? What do you have in stored for me in 2O11?' because after all, God loves me and has a perfect plan for me in the end.