Peek-a-boo! I see you!
Taking a little peak at my life from a distance at the moment, especially the aftermath of being accepted in the Junior Interior Architecture Studio since August.
Stress, so much stress. I cannot emphasize how competitive this program, or should I say the field of design can be. I am constantly so pressured to produce something better than everyone else, or even meeting their level of quality. I have already stumbled and tasted the first trial and test (first project). Through that experience, I cannot emphasize how good our God is. After going through so much discouragement, emotional overload, in the end, God was there. God has put so many wonderful people in my life, I cannot thank Him more for supporting me and helping me.
Physically so tired all the time. With the hectic schedule of working 15-16 hours a week, in addition to taking 16 units (3 studio classes, being almost 3 hours each) is exhausting me so much. Pulling AT LEAST one all-nighter per month doesn't help much either. I basically sacrifice my spare time to just lay around at home to do nothing to regain strength and get rest. It hasn't created a huge problem yet, so I'll just have to see.
Importance of prayer! I am finding more and more that prayer is seriously so important and I need to dunk my feet in it. Just tad bits of realization that God wants to hear from me, and at heart, I want to talk to God as well. Thank you God once again for your love <3 font="font">
Quick pick-a-boo time over -
(:
Summer, summer, summer. Catching up on my overdue journal/blog writing that I haven't done in a while. School totally took me off track from blogging last semester. Phew, I think I'll write another separate blog for the Spring semester/Portfolio process.
Week One: Nothing much happened I believe. All I remember doing is staying up late and waking up past midday. Sudden change of schedule surely can put me into a lazy mode.
Week Two: Didn't do anything special but relax. Met up with some of the Junior girls (09 girls!) and had a picnic at the El Dorado Park in Long Beach. It was really nice to see them and spend some time together, since there weren't many opportunities during school days. We also had yummy food that over-stuffed us. I really hope that we can meet up again soon before everyone else flies off out of country to Korea, Philippines, China, and Taiwan for the major chunk of the summer. Big adventures ahead for all of them! I'm so excited for them!
And I also attended my little sister's "end of the year concert". It was held outdoors and found it very distracting. I think the school might need to alter the format for next year. It was very unsuccessful in my opinion because it lost the formal atmosphere of quietness. But the little one played trumpet very well. I was very proud (:
Week Three: I went to a boot camp for youth ministry leader for the Salvation Army churches with my friend. It was definitely something that I wasn't expecting to experience during my stay in Pasadena. There was an awesome praise leader leading worship for the whole 3 days experience. She only had a keyboard and a voice but with that, she was annointed with the Holy Spirit, bringing everybody to His presence. It was mindblowing and pure beauty. And the small seminars and guest speakers we had were really helpful and mindful for me. On top of that, I got to meet a new friend from Alaska, reunite with people I haven't seen in a while, and spend quality time with my friend, like we used to in high school years (without the jtown pics of course).
Week Four: Nothing, nothing, started bass lesson, and then a spontaneous decision was made to go to San Diego with rest of the family to visit dad at his business trip. I somehow convinced/forced my sisters to go on this trip because I thought we needed to get out of the house after many many hours of being in it. First day was a random walking and exploring day in Downtown San Diego. It was very random and it got pretty boring after discovering that San Diego Downtown is really not that special. Dinner at little Italy was really great. Hazelnut and chocolate gelato were so good! I really love Italian food now haha!
Second day followed with a trip to Balboa Park and an outdoor mall, a little north from downtown. I don't know how, but we ended up walking to the park, and went through wrong route, walking through sketchy parts of the park, and just walked too much on foot overall. We got to visit a museum, walk around the central part, and eat at the park's fancy restaurant. The trip could have been better if we weren't so tired from walking in the beginning.
After returning from the park, we went to the outdoor mall, shopped and ate, and headed to an organic/local produce food restaurant. It sold "links", which I found it pretty random. They had good fries and butterscotch pie though (: But the rum whipped cream was a throw off. Why combine the two? I couldn't handle the alcohol flavour not even down to a little scoop.
As for the rest of the summer vacation trail route, I have a mini to-do or plans in mind.
- Learn a new instrument, the Bass (in progress)
- Work (got a part time at a mall! First time retail job, excited but kind of worried)
- Go to a Interior Design Convention at LA convention centre (June 22-24)
- Move in less than a month
- Read lots and lots of books (The Hobbit, The Hunger Game Series, Sherlock Holmes Series & more?)
- Go on a mission trip in August (Praying-in-progress)
- Go to the theatres and watch movies (Batman, Spider-man, Brave :)
I remember the thoughts I had before my summer vacation started. I was so worried, and anxious about my unplanned and unproductive summer vacation, especially failing miserably from planned summer school and initial missions trip. But somehow everything fell in place and I got to loosen up my mind a bit. Here I come, summer of 20112!
Let's run a race. A race where you and I can meet at the end and the only thing that would make us happy is the completion of the race. There is a line that we need to cross, a line that is painted on the ground with slight patches worn off on the edges. It's waiting for us at the end, where only satisfaction will greet us from the very moment where our feet come across it.
Oh wait, I'm running right now. What was I thinking? I have got to stop daydreaming while running this race. I am looking around me and it seems like my daydreams had drifted me away from my present time. Everything that was surrounding me had changed, and of course, time had stepped away in to the past with the surroundings. This town appears to me like the same town that I ran through previously, but the little details are screaming out no to me. That's odd. Where am I right now and how long has it been since I paid attention to my pathway?
I feel so overwhelmed with this uncomfortable realization. I can hear my breathing thickening as I take more strides ahead. I can feel my leg muscles tightening more and more every time my feet comes in contact to the ground. And my heart had initiated everything with its rapid heartbeats. And not to forget that small glimpses of this new environment that I'm witnessing is making my heart drop down to my stomach, just pounding at it every so often. Why..?
I think I am getting nervous and being in fear about everything right now, especially about school. I thought that I had portfolio under control, I was content with where our church was at the moment, and I thought that my relationships with people would remain the same since there was nothing wrong. But clearly, I spoke too loud and proud, and I was wrong. I am currently really freaking about portfolio inside and that is what is thumping in my heart the most. I thought that the prospering days are finally arriving in our EM ministry, but it took the detour instead. And surely distancing away from people thinking that everything will remain the same when I come back was not the reality.
I am seriously so weak, and I don't know what has gotten into me to think that I was actually capable of running this race on my own. I am finding myself in front of the mirror more worn-out and tired as the days walk by. Time had already come and walked past my footsteps and now it's too late to catch them all back to use them when I needed it. I really thought I was capable of having everything under control and finish with a medal of success in the end. Oh how prideful am I. Why did I let go of my partner's hand and when did I even let go of the hand?
Getting caught up in daydreaming had blinded me and only pulled me into it deeper and deeper. I was dreaming of that day, when my ears will be filled with congratulations and praises. I kept on dreaming and thinking ahead and not let my actions catch up. I am constantly being afraid that if I don't achieve it all in the end, I'll be a failure and become lost in terms of my future plans. I just couldn't help myself step back. I just felt that if I keep going at it, then maybe I can do it after all. Again, answer was no. Then I turned aside and saw my partner. Then I realized that I was getting too prideful, thinking that I can finish the race when I needed the help of my partner all along.
My physical state is telling me that I need my partner, my one and only loving Father God, who can help me by my side to take steps with additional strength. I really know now that I can't run this race by myself and God is the only one who can. So, now I'm going to take His hands again and run towards all the reward. I'm going to try again this time with God and I'm going to make sure that everything I hoped for will reach that finish line because God is in control and He is my strength.
A familiar looking list that I looked back at,
Trip to Canada/East Coast US
Save Money
Finish School Year Well
Get a (legal) Job
Lose weight
Summer School
Learn Something New
Yes, the new year's resolution list from 2011. And it seems like I've completed vaguely one third of the list, at least this is better than having nothing completed. I totally forgot about this list until not so long ago. I was a bit afraid of looking at it again because I didn't feel very accomplished in the year 2011.
But having some accomplishments from the list was a big surprise for me to see. I did end up saving a bit more money from work rather than spending it all away in the beginning of my working days, which is a huge improvement. I have grown to resist/control my shopping needs and desires for myself over the last couple of months. It really felt good seeing that I am slowly taking steps away from the temptations and desires of material needs. YES!
Did I finish my Sophomore year well? I believe I did. And as soon as it has finished, I missed everything about it. I did pretty well in my academics so that was good. I have concluded my school year with building stronger relationships with friends, which was an awesome blessing that I received throughout the whole school year. The whole state was just too good to leave it in May.
The losing weight part is only crossed out halfway because it didn't reach the goal I wanted, but I still managed to make progress. Stepping away from the dorm food and feeding myself with home cooked meal really helped me to shed some pounds. Winning! Well, almost..
And surprisingly, I did end up learning something new. I learned how to cook. Now this was a lot easier than I thought. I ended up watching a lot of food network on t.v., and look up recipes for foods that I wanted to eat. I think cooking for my wants really helped me. I ended up learning/cooking Thanksgiving food, pasta and cooking creatively. I really enjoy cooking now. It's so fun! I just wish that I had the time to cook for myself though.
2011 was a roller coaster ride overall. Half point of the year was going well, and the other half had hints of troubles, stress, and struggles. Yeah, it was another transition that I had to handle and face, and honestly I didn't handle it as well as I could/would have. And that probably explains the little traces all around me. But this year, I don't want any of it anymore. I want to resolve it, put the mistakes behind and discover sweet and refreshing flavours of this new year. I know that God always have something good for me to taste, but it is always myself that gets in the way. And I think it's time that I take it in action for real, unlike my "so-called" promises that I made in 2011.
“That, however, is not the way of life you learned when you heard about Christ and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.”
So for this new 2012, I want to throw all the mistakes and regrets behind and try to build up a new Allison. I want to be able to see and enjoy God as much as He wants me to this year and I don't want things to get in the way, especially me!
So, the new resolution/to-do list of 2012 is...
Complete reading the New Testaments Because I've never actually read through the whole bible, and the whole bible reading I know I can't do it by me just saying it. And I want to know the Word, so that I will a Christian with knowledge as well. I know I've always lacked this part.
Pass portfolio review The only thing that matters to me in school more than my classes><
Establish an exercise routine I thought that having a system would contribute to healthier me
Save money/Visit Canada Since everyone in Canada has been wondering about it for last 5 years, and it requires saving money for those plane tickets! Hopefully it will be easier, now that I shop whole lot less.
Family First Something I realized in 2011 by living with them permanently since Freshman year. I need more patience, more heart&love for them than anyone else(except God) and lots more to work on as a sister/daughter.
Master French I'm still quite ashamed for not mastering this language after several years of studies and also minoring in it. I want to be brainwashed in French language and culture as much as possible!
This is all I have for now. And hopefully this to-do list for the year will look clean by the end of December 2012!
