Live by Faith, Not by Sight

It was so eye opening to see everything making sense before my eyes, how if it wasn't for faith and the faithfulness of God, I wouldn't have come this far. During the sermon today, the meaning of faith was explained in an example, and I always loved this example. PJ said, faith is like walking forward backwards. You really don't know where you are going or what you are going to face but you keep on walking because you have faith, faith in God. And after encountering obstacles and overcoming it, you will definitely look back at it while walking and see that God has been faithful this whole time. There was a reason all along when God asks us to have faith in Him, because He was faithful, will continuously to be faithful and hold on to His promises till the very end.

Today was technically my "last day" at San Francisco Salvation Army Korean (corp.) Church. I wasn't expecting it to feel any different or more like I couldn't really tell that it was my last sunday till the very last moment. It was when PJ and everyone in the congregation were praying for us to send us off to Southern California. My mind finally clicked and told me that it was time to say goodbye. And like always, me being the typical Allison myself, just full of emotion who hates saying goodbyes, cracked in the end. Like what people say, you have to say goodbye in order to say hello again next time we meet. Basically that's what we did as my family was leaving church today. Wow, I cannot emphasize the fact that I really hate, HATE saying goodbyes regardless of how many times I've already done it through my life. 

As I was in the car ride back home, I was pondering and pondering about my 4 years of living in Northern California and couldn't be any happier that God has been so faithful and has been blessing me so much over the 4 years. Even from the very first time entering California till today, wow, God is so good. 

I was seriously living a cursed life that I put upon myself when God first brought me in California, being pessimistic, negative and very depressed. I remember so clearly how our church was 4 years ago and how much I hated it because I judged and looked down upon it so much, like as if I know anything. But when I finally ended up at the spot where I had to choose either one dead end or the other. I decided to choose the way God has provided by opening up my heart a little bit and taking that step of faith. And oh wow, that step of faith has brought me to where I am right now.

Because I began to trust in God, God has shaped and molded me and our church as well. No more cold-hearted, depressed emo-child, but God has changed me into more of an open-person and helped me to seek my identity in God. And I also got to make awesome memories with seriously wonderful and very unique people throughout the short period of time. He also worked and is still working for more through our church as well. Looking back from a sunday worship done in a small music room with 8 people in comparison to having two different ministries with people who are growing more and more each day, how can I not say that God is not faithful? It's clearly so evident and it was totally worth walking backwards forward. Something that I would have never expected, and obviously God goes beyond expectations.

Right now, I noticed that the same faith is required as I take another step forward in backwards. This time, I know that God has my back, but it's just that in the very core of myself I have that small fear and worry about what is to come. Questions such as, Is God really calling me down there for a purpose?, or If He is calling me, am I really capable? are just popping into my mind a lot now. I seriously didn't think that it would be much of a difference moving down to basically my second home, but it is kind of a big deal now that I think of it. Bah! Less thinking, more praying.

But at this rate, I'm kind of curious and excited of what God has in stored for me in the future. From Korea to East coast Canada to Northern California to Southern California, what is next? Where are you leading me God? I swear I think I wouldn't be too surprised if I end up in another country in 10 years from now. God seriously can do all things in His name. (:

July 1st

July 1st, of course, it is Canada Day! Even though I might not be in Canada, I still love Canada with my very heart like my home country. And to be honest, I think of Canada as my real home country than Korea. I know it's very not "KP-like" but that's the truth. Because I believe that I started really living when I arrived in Canada.


Of course, Canada is where I met Christ, and basically where I lived through my critical 6 years of my teenage years. And I remember all of my life events that happened in Toronto rather than the 10 long years spent in Korea (maybe because I was young, but that's still not the point). I think the fact that I started being exposed to Christianity and a new open culture has really broadened my perspective in life and was able to grasp a chance of really living my life. 


I remember being in middle school, having my prayers answered were the most significant and surprising moment. I think that was what really allowed me to believe and see that God is real and he is actually alive. It followed with great friends met in church and a wonderful experience at the summer retreat in Lake Simco. And not to mention that church is where I began to pick up a guitar and started learning it, which lead me to where I am today, just absolutely enjoying it. 


I also had wonderful school friends as well as church friends, which felt like nothing can go wrong at that state in life. Moreover, being able to pursue what I desire and want to do for life, and want to study was simply grateful. I was talking about this to Stephanie earlier today that I wanted to study music, fine arts, patisserie, business, accounting, and architecture throughout the earlier years. I know that if I was in Korea, my parents or the pressure of society wouldn't have allowed me to seek after what I wanted. It really did feel like life can be lived so easily and simply in Canada in comparison to Korea. But these are solely my opinions though.


I can't believe that I lived exactly half of my life (10 years) in Korea and in North America. If I were to narrow down my other 10 years, it would be 6 years in Canada and 4 years in U.S.A. Hitting my non-teenage age had made me realize that I came so far. I'm going to be a Junior in College(even though I still feel like a freshman at heart) along with my sister whose going to be entering in College. Now that's a real shock to me because I swear I was complaining to my friends that I am never going to graduate from college any soon. But everything is just coming one after the other already, and I'm starting to look into internships and future plans after college. I think reality is slowly getting to me, but still an inch away for me to fully reach into it.  


I'm now hoping the best that I'll make the rest of my years worth it and valuable. I am still looking forward to go study abroad either in France or Italy depending if I go for my major or minor classes, get an internship for winter or summer breaks, and possibly make time to teach English in Korea, but the trip to Korea isn't really one of my top priorities. 


I also swore to myself that I want to live in New York or any of the big cities/states in the East Coast after graduation for a job or internship possibly. This is quite a new ambition that I have established after watching 3 full seasons of Gossip Girl tv show. Gosh I am seriously addicted, considering that I am quite anxious to get my fingers on the 4th season DVDs somehow. Aside from the obsession, the reason for the big move in New York is due to really liking the city lifestyle and also wanted to take a break from living the California life a bit. I think that experiencing diverse cultural lifestyle whether in different state or countries will help me view life more broad, and as a big picture. I don't know, it might be just me but I think that this world has so much to offer and learn from that I haven't discovered yet and I really want to get the best of it before it's too late. 


But at the same time, I can't be so sure of everything because I don't know what or where God wants me to be in the future years. Wherever I go, God is still with me and I know that taking leaps of faith and big actions in life means more challenges and opportunities to face with God. It made me realize how thankful I am a bit at heart that God has pushed me in places to places than leaving me at on spot in Korea. Furthermore, prayer 24/7 is needed in order to go the right pathway! Always asking and seeking for God's leading and wisdom before making any big decisions. And I know that I'm going to fight with myself and the laziness and habits from time spent with God. Yup.