Wow. 6 Months has passed so quick. It was last week when I realized that it was the Holiday season and it's Christmas. Because it doesn't snow here, I cannot tell what holiday it is. It's the same weather condition all the way through the year. How TEDIOUS.
It made me feel whole lot of lonesomness and felt very melancholy. It's quite sad. Spending my Christmas with no loved ones, Not much of my friends, nor the place where my true heart lies.
I want to spend my next holidays in Canada for sure. In my Hometown TORONTO. I lived there for 6 years. I am allowed to call it my home right??? Anyways. Next winter break, mee heading to Toronto. How exciting! for this trip, Allison is saving her money as much as possible. I can't work anywhere in US because I am an international student. So I just have to study my butt off to ge straight A's and try not to waste my money on shopping. Now that's a challenge. I am just heading towards my goal!
I got a lot of presents this year. I thank everyone for that :] I got a lot of chocolates for Christmas! I just adore chocolate. I probably got more than what I would get in Valentines Day. I never get anything on Valentines day anyway. I wanted to send every of my friends a gift, but it was really really difficult. It costs more to send than what the present actually costs. That really sucks. I will try to get you guys something probably next year! ( I hope! )
I am still verry lonely, depressed and just sad all the time. Nothing satisfies me. I'm trying to stuff myself with food to fill me up, but it's not helping. The food had increased my body weight. UGH EWW. I hope the day would come, where I don't have any doubts about this world and myself. It sucks to live like this.
12.26.2007
12.13.2007
Harry Potter + Trig.Functions = ?
Something made me happy for once in my life and it was the one and only HARRY POTTER :]
I'm a HUGE Harry Potter fan. It might not "look" like it, but I really really love it! So my mom went to Circuit City and bought the amazing Harry Potter and the Order of Pheonix. I was expecting the two disc edition, but it was the one disk. I was disappointed at my mom for that, until my guiltiness started to kick in. I felt bad telling my mom to return it and buy anotherone. I guessed that I won't be using the second disk so i held it in. I just ripped the plastic cover and shoved it in to my DVD player! YAY! I was waiting so long for that moment! Harry Potter! Finally, I was very upset when I couldn't go to the movie theatre during the summer, but this was even better! I was so Excited! ----
The movie came out to be quite horribe. At least to me. The storyline was flying everywhere, everything was compacted so much that it didn't connect well. I liked Luna Lovegood, but Bellatrix and Tonks weren't how I imagined them to be. They looked quite freaky, especially Bellatrix. Her eyes seemed like as if they were going to pop out. She was very pale too. Quite disturbing for me. Everyone had changed so much in the movie too. Harry, Fred and George, and of course! NEVILLE!
Neville is so tall and just WOW. I guess in someways it's nice to see changes, but because there was a huge jump from the fourth movie to fifth which made it quite surprising. Still good. I love all the dark and mysterious mood. Too bad it took me a while to recall the story from my head. hehe. it's been a long time reading it. =P
I have a new best friend. The bad part of my new best friend is that I have to learn so much about him(calling all as one) but he has no idea what or who I am. Trigonometry! He is my new friend. I had to spend everyday and night just to learn about him. Trigonometry and its function is just a huge brain teaser. It's just soo hard. Phewwww. I need help learning. I just hope that we can actually carry this good friendship till the end. I need it until the rest of my life anyways. Let's just try not to fight Okay?? HEHE
The scariest trip I've ever went was the trip to the Hospital. I cannot believe that I had two needles in my arms. one per arm. The first one was for taking out blood samples. THREE BOTTLES (test tube like)!! Still. Blood. EWW. The left arm was this immunization shot. I think this one hurts more. So I have a band-aid for each arms. How funny. This is why hate Hospitals,Dentists,etc. As soon as I said I hate hospitals, my doctor was soo ready to gimmie a lecture about why hospitals are good and they are necessary for my life. WOW. I do know all of that. but still. ITS AWFUL. T___T
I'm a HUGE Harry Potter fan. It might not "look" like it, but I really really love it! So my mom went to Circuit City and bought the amazing Harry Potter and the Order of Pheonix. I was expecting the two disc edition, but it was the one disk. I was disappointed at my mom for that, until my guiltiness started to kick in. I felt bad telling my mom to return it and buy anotherone. I guessed that I won't be using the second disk so i held it in. I just ripped the plastic cover and shoved it in to my DVD player! YAY! I was waiting so long for that moment! Harry Potter! Finally, I was very upset when I couldn't go to the movie theatre during the summer, but this was even better! I was so Excited! ----
The movie came out to be quite horribe. At least to me. The storyline was flying everywhere, everything was compacted so much that it didn't connect well. I liked Luna Lovegood, but Bellatrix and Tonks weren't how I imagined them to be. They looked quite freaky, especially Bellatrix. Her eyes seemed like as if they were going to pop out. She was very pale too. Quite disturbing for me. Everyone had changed so much in the movie too. Harry, Fred and George, and of course! NEVILLE!
Neville is so tall and just WOW. I guess in someways it's nice to see changes, but because there was a huge jump from the fourth movie to fifth which made it quite surprising. Still good. I love all the dark and mysterious mood. Too bad it took me a while to recall the story from my head. hehe. it's been a long time reading it. =P
I have a new best friend. The bad part of my new best friend is that I have to learn so much about him(calling all as one) but he has no idea what or who I am. Trigonometry! He is my new friend. I had to spend everyday and night just to learn about him. Trigonometry and its function is just a huge brain teaser. It's just soo hard. Phewwww. I need help learning. I just hope that we can actually carry this good friendship till the end. I need it until the rest of my life anyways. Let's just try not to fight Okay?? HEHE
The scariest trip I've ever went was the trip to the Hospital. I cannot believe that I had two needles in my arms. one per arm. The first one was for taking out blood samples. THREE BOTTLES (test tube like)!! Still. Blood. EWW. The left arm was this immunization shot. I think this one hurts more. So I have a band-aid for each arms. How funny. This is why hate Hospitals,Dentists,etc. As soon as I said I hate hospitals, my doctor was soo ready to gimmie a lecture about why hospitals are good and they are necessary for my life. WOW. I do know all of that. but still. ITS AWFUL. T___T
12.08.2007
Everyday is nothing but waste of time
Everyday seems like S*** to me. I hate it. I hate everything I have.
What tha heck. Why can't the world just fall apart before me.
Why can't everything just disappear in front of me.
Why can't things be fair and equal.
I'm never going to pass the test.
I bet that I'm going to give up in the middle
and live in a miserable world forever.
I don't mind that. My mind won't be living
when the moment comes. I should just give
up everything. let go of everthing.
When I go over a certain stage,
there comes another challenge ahead of me.
I'm not a superman. I'm not a robot.
Why is the world doing this to me. Why are you doing this to me.
SWEARING DON'T MAKE ME FEEL ANY BETTER.
NOTHING SATISFIES ME IN THIS WORLD ANY MORe.
What tha heck. Why can't the world just fall apart before me.
Why can't everything just disappear in front of me.
Why can't things be fair and equal.
I'm never going to pass the test.
I bet that I'm going to give up in the middle
and live in a miserable world forever.
I don't mind that. My mind won't be living
when the moment comes. I should just give
up everything. let go of everthing.
When I go over a certain stage,
there comes another challenge ahead of me.
I'm not a superman. I'm not a robot.
Why is the world doing this to me. Why are you doing this to me.
SWEARING DON'T MAKE ME FEEL ANY BETTER.
NOTHING SATISFIES ME IN THIS WORLD ANY MORe.
12.01.2007
Non-Merry Christmas
I hate living in California. California is the "Dream State" that anybody would just love to visit and live. I don't like it just because I miss everyone in Canada, but it's just something I cannot handle in life. It's too different compared to what everything was. School, the Systems, and People too. What tha heck am I suppose to do. Sit here, do nothing for the rest of my life? I really see no future in me. I suppose I never saw any glimpse of my future anywhere in my life. Anyways. Today is December. Tomorrow is december as well. 24days from now, it will be the amazing day, the day that Christ was born. The spirit of Christmas, it just disappeared. No snow, No tree, No presents, No nothing. I really believe that 2007 was the best and the worst year I ever had in my life. What is this. It's Christmas holiday season. My family has no spirit. My parents actually bring our spirits down.
I miss the white Christmas. California doesn't have the atmosphere of Holiday. It just ruins it. and I absolute it HATE it. I always had funny dreams. This dream I had last night, it wasn't only funny(odd) but it made me all sad. I was at home. I don't know how I got the money from my parents, but I bought my own tickets to Toronto. The images of the airplane ride and arriving was just a blur to me. Next thing I new, I was at my school, Agincourt Collegiate Institute. I was holding a bouquet, smiling so happy. I think it was the beginning of lunch. I was about to head to the cafeteria from in front of the main office, and then I see these group of people yelling, "look! it's ALLISON!" They all rushed and crowded around me. I felt so relieved and it felt like home. Where everything I had came back to me. The people who really cares about me are actually there. We walked around the school. We were talking for a long time, until lunch was over. Suddenly, the scene changed. One thing I saw, was my parents. I realized that I am back at home. I was paying my parents the money that I used for the airplane ticket. My return in Canada just disappeared in a second. My fewseconds of happiness gone. When I woke up, I couldn't feel more disappointed. My mind was just empty. Everything I dreamed, it was a dream. That killed me.I do wish that I can live a fantasy life, where people, anyone doesn't have to feel hurt or disappointment. The reality does nothing but draws my tear out. Im really homesick. I want to go back. Everything I have. I don't want it. Fansy American life, Anybody can take it. I am totally willing to give it up.
I always say that. I never take any action. I just don't have the courage to do anything. I never had a courage to tell him, I never had the courage to stand up and to speak up my true opinions rather than lies. What can I do. I just don't know what to do anymore.
I miss the white Christmas. California doesn't have the atmosphere of Holiday. It just ruins it. and I absolute it HATE it. I always had funny dreams. This dream I had last night, it wasn't only funny(odd) but it made me all sad. I was at home. I don't know how I got the money from my parents, but I bought my own tickets to Toronto. The images of the airplane ride and arriving was just a blur to me. Next thing I new, I was at my school, Agincourt Collegiate Institute. I was holding a bouquet, smiling so happy. I think it was the beginning of lunch. I was about to head to the cafeteria from in front of the main office, and then I see these group of people yelling, "look! it's ALLISON!" They all rushed and crowded around me. I felt so relieved and it felt like home. Where everything I had came back to me. The people who really cares about me are actually there. We walked around the school. We were talking for a long time, until lunch was over. Suddenly, the scene changed. One thing I saw, was my parents. I realized that I am back at home. I was paying my parents the money that I used for the airplane ticket. My return in Canada just disappeared in a second. My fewseconds of happiness gone. When I woke up, I couldn't feel more disappointed. My mind was just empty. Everything I dreamed, it was a dream. That killed me.I do wish that I can live a fantasy life, where people, anyone doesn't have to feel hurt or disappointment. The reality does nothing but draws my tear out. Im really homesick. I want to go back. Everything I have. I don't want it. Fansy American life, Anybody can take it. I am totally willing to give it up.
I always say that. I never take any action. I just don't have the courage to do anything. I never had a courage to tell him, I never had the courage to stand up and to speak up my true opinions rather than lies. What can I do. I just don't know what to do anymore.
11.29.2007
Firrrst blogg
That is soo cool.
My first blog EVER :] I don't know how long I will last on blogs, but "what tha heck~"
I will give it a shot ;] HEHE.
Vanessa got her "first cellphone" today. The cellphone seller told me that I should get one too. BUUT! I was being a nice daughter and rejected the offer. Later on, I found out that my parents are willing to get me a phone. That totally made my patience fling off. When I first came to California, they said " I AM NEVER GETTING A CELL PHONE FOR YOU!!" But when Vanessa asked yesterday, they replied, " OHH~ OKAY! LETS GO TOMORROW!"
There was only one thing I can say about this. What tha heck is going on???? o.O favourtism!! I think/believe that my parents are favouring my sisters over me. It totally makes sense these days. Everything that is being said by my sisters, it comes out as a compliment. When I achieve something GREAT, they are so negative on me. They are never supportive, yet they make me feel frustrated and gives me stress everyday. My parents are being no help in my life.
And Plus! I would've got a cell, IF, they had the LG SHINE PHONE SLIDE in verizon.
Oh why Oh why. the day didn't get any better. WHY does it have to be sold at AT&T??? My dream cell phone left my train of dreams. My life just can't get any better than how it used to be.
I have to go back and work on my homework, SAT studies, computer surfing, and socializing. Why am I wasting my time on the computer to socialize, rather than doing work? Because, I need the conversations going on in my life. No body is listening in my world anymore. Not even one. I feel so isolated and in need of closer relationship with just ANYONE. I need the talking, I need to spill out everything. It's just too hard to live a life, where you lose everything that you had. It totally flings you off.
I MISS YOU ♡♡
My first blog EVER :] I don't know how long I will last on blogs, but "what tha heck~"
I will give it a shot ;] HEHE.
Vanessa got her "first cellphone" today. The cellphone seller told me that I should get one too. BUUT! I was being a nice daughter and rejected the offer. Later on, I found out that my parents are willing to get me a phone. That totally made my patience fling off. When I first came to California, they said " I AM NEVER GETTING A CELL PHONE FOR YOU!!" But when Vanessa asked yesterday, they replied, " OHH~ OKAY! LETS GO TOMORROW!"
There was only one thing I can say about this. What tha heck is going on???? o.O favourtism!! I think/believe that my parents are favouring my sisters over me. It totally makes sense these days. Everything that is being said by my sisters, it comes out as a compliment. When I achieve something GREAT, they are so negative on me. They are never supportive, yet they make me feel frustrated and gives me stress everyday. My parents are being no help in my life.
And Plus! I would've got a cell, IF, they had the LG SHINE PHONE SLIDE in verizon.
Oh why Oh why. the day didn't get any better. WHY does it have to be sold at AT&T??? My dream cell phone left my train of dreams. My life just can't get any better than how it used to be.
I have to go back and work on my homework, SAT studies, computer surfing, and socializing. Why am I wasting my time on the computer to socialize, rather than doing work? Because, I need the conversations going on in my life. No body is listening in my world anymore. Not even one. I feel so isolated and in need of closer relationship with just ANYONE. I need the talking, I need to spill out everything. It's just too hard to live a life, where you lose everything that you had. It totally flings you off.
I MISS YOU ♡♡
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