Waiting.

Patience is one of the hardest characteristics to develop, for me at least. I am in the process of developing and who knows how long it will take. I know that everyday and somehow I am being tested with my patience. I can see them clearly too. Biggest challenge is the time frame of the Summer 2010. That is a big and an obvious example I can find. Within that time being, small clashes such as dealing with certain people or situation is a total given.

I remembered how frustrated and upset I got (and maybe still am) every time I had to face these problems. As usual, I would try to look for people to talk to make me more comfortable. Yesterday was a perfect example. I felt like I needed sympathy towards my situations, but truly God has spoken to me yesterday. "Do not rely on your emotions or people around you, but solely to God. Be Clingy to God". It really made me look back at my day and the week. I felt convicted and ashamed for almost falling for the temptation of seeking others before God. Yet, I was really glad that God is here to tell me my wrong doings and is willing to straighten up my path. How awesome is that. God got my back (:

Past days I got to learn and understand more about God, of how faithful and merciful he is. Regardless of the disobedient behaviours that people have performed in the past, he kept on speaking to his people. He never ceased because he was faithful to them till the end. And today, I was reading Psalms 78 and it revealed so much about how merciful he was to his people in the past. His people kept on testing the Lord, and never thanked or praised him for what he has done for them, ❝ Yet he was merciful; he forgave their iniquities and did not destroy them. Time after time he restrained his anger and did not stir up his full wrath❞(Psalm 78:38). That just blew me away as I was reading it in the car waiting and brought many questions in my mind. It made me wonder why these people were testing God? I thought that it was the silliest thing to do! God even showed them his wrath, but they still did it till the end. But, the point is that he was still patient and didn't bring them all to death. I have yet so much to learn.

I am slowly grasping the idea that I need my own disciplining. It was such a blessing to have all the accountability partners, bible studies, and prayer meetings throughout the year in college. However, when it comes to being apart from all that, there is really only me and God left on the road. As I have encountered Summer 10, I realized that all those wonderful opportunities will not be always provided in life. I have to understand the fact that this is all a learning process to being more disciplined and mature. I am gradually seeking God more through prayer and his words, and it's surely not from my "must do them because I'm a Christian" or "I need to do them because it's a habit to me now", like the past. There is a desire in one's heart for more and a heart that wants to cry out in order to be heard. I feared that my spiritual walk would hit the slope down as the summer passes by, but what do you know. There is change occurring throughout climbing this high and challenging mountain. I really hope that this is not only going to make me better, but really put a smile on God and make him proud. Because he deserved it from very beginning of time.

God is Good, All the Time.